What to say when a parent is upset - post

Why might a #parent be upset in the first place?

Most upset #parents are carrying big feelings. They may feel:

• Worried about their child
• Surprised by what they heard
• Embarrassed (even if they don’t show it)
• Afraid they are being judged
• Confused about what happened 

When you remember this, it is easier to respond with care instead of #stress. 

What should you say first when a parent is upset?

Start with a calm, #respectful opener. Keep it short and kind.

Try one of these:

• “I’m glad you told me. I want to understand.” 
• “I can hear this is really upsetting.”
• “Let’s take a minute. I’m here to listen.”
• “We both care about your child. Let’s work together.”

Helpful tip: Speak slower than normal. Your calm voice helps their body calm down too. 

What words help you listen and calm the moment?

A good pattern is: Listen → Name the feeling → Ask a question → Plan the next step.

You can say:

• Listen: “Tell me what you heard / what you saw.”
• Name the feeling: “That sounds frustrating.” / “I can see why you’re worried.”
• Ask a question: “What is your biggest concern right now?”
• Plan: “Here’s what I can do today…”

Use small “listening” phrases while they talk:

• “I see.”
• “Okay.”
• “Thank you for explaining.”
• “Let me make sure I understand…”

If a family speaks another #language, use simple sentences and check understanding:

• “Is it okay if I repeat what I heard?”
• “Do you want an interpreter or written notes?” (If your program offers that support.)

How do you share facts without sounding blaming?

When things are tense, stick to facts you saw (not guesses). A simple formula helps:

• Strength: “First, I want to say something good I see…”
• Fact: “Here is what happened…”
• Impact: “This #matters because…”
• Team #plan: “Here is how we can help…”

Example:

• “Your child is very curious and loves building. Today at 10:15, I saw him hit twice during block #play. That can hurt others. Our plan is to stay close during blocks, teach ‘Can I have a turn?’ and share updates with you.”

For more ideas on respectful tough talks, this ChildCareEd article is a helpful read: Communicating with families: tough conversations with respect

What can you say in common in tough situations?

Use these “ready-to-go” scripts. Keep your voice steady and your face kind.

If a #parent-says, “You’re not watching my child!”

• “I hear your concern. Safety is our top job.”
• “Here is what I saw and what we did right away.”
• “Let’s talk about what would help you feel more confident.”

If a parent is angry about an injury report

• “I’m sorry this happened. I know it’s scary.”
• “Here are the facts from today, step by step.”
• “Here is how we will help prevent it next time.”

If a parent is upset about biting or hitting

• “I understand why you’re upset.”
• “We take this seriously, and we’re teaching #safer skills.”
• “We can share the plan we are using at school. What works at #home?”

(Also remember: protect privacy. Don’t share another child’s name.)

If a parent says, “My child would never do that!”

• “I hear you. It can be hard to picture.”
• “I’m only sharing what I saw today.”
• “Let’s watch for patterns and support the skill together.”

If a parent is upset about a policy (late pick-up, payments, etc.)

• “Thank you for talking with me.”
• “Our policy is the same for every family.”
• “Let’s look at options that still follow the policy.”

What should you avoid saying (even if you feel it)?

Some phrases add fuel to the fire. Try to avoid these: 

Don’t say:

• “Calm down.”
• “It’s not a big deal.”
• “That’s just how your child is.”
• “We already told you.”
• “You’re overreacting.”

Say this instead:

• “I can see this matters to you.”
• “Thank you for sharing your concern.”
• “Let’s take this step by step.”
• “Here’s what we can do next.”

How do you end the talk in a respectful way?

A strong ending helps everyone feel safer.

Try:

• “Thank you for talking with me today.”
• “Here is what we agreed to do next…”
• “I will follow up by (time/day).”
• “Please reach out if you have more questions.”

If you can, follow up with a short note or email summary:

• What the concern was
• What facts were shared
• What the plan is
• When you will check in again

When should you get a director or supervisor right away?

Get support right away if:

• A parent threatens you, a child, or the program
• A parent is yelling and will not calm down
• The issue involves legal action, custody, or #safety concerns
• You feel unsafe meeting alone

It is okay to say:

• “I want to help, and I also want to do this the right way. Let’s bring in my director.”

Where can you get more help and practice?

If you want to build confidence for hard talks, these ChildCareEd trainings are directly related:

• Let’s Talk: Effective Communication
• 9 Hour Communication Course
• Bridging Cultures: Family Communication & Collaboration

For a #free tool you can use before a tough talk, try this ChildCareEd resource:

• Preparing for Challenging Conversations with Families

And for quick ideas and support, follow ChildCareEd on Pinterest (activities, tips, and more):

• https://www.pinterest.com/childcareed/ (pinterest.com)