Understanding Separation Anxiety in Young Children - post

What Is Separation Anxiety?

Separation Anxiety Disorder is a persistent and intense fear or worry about being away from a primary caregiver or about the caregiver being harmed or lost. But it’s important to start by saying: many young children experience normal separation anxiety as part of their #development. 
In #early-childhood settings, separation anxiety often shows up when children begin attending child care, #preschool, or face transitions away from their familiar caregiver. 

Why It Matters in Child Care

As a child-care provider, you will likely be one of the first adults outside the family to help a child navigate separation away from their caregiver. Having a good understanding of separation anxiety allows you to:

• Recognize what’s #develop #mentally typical versus a red flag.

• Support children with #empathy and structure, reducing distress.

• Partner with families to create consistent routines and transitions.

• Help promote a #safe, secure environment where children can explore and grow.

Common Ages and Why It Appears

• Separation anxiety most commonly shows up between about 8 to 18 months of age, when children develop object permanence (understanding that people exist even when out of sight) and a stronger attachment to caregivers. 

• It often peaks around ages 10 to 18 months and gradually subsides. 

• It can reappear around transitions (e.g., switching rooms, starting preschool) even in older #toddlers or #preschoolers because the change unsettles their sense of security.

Signs to Look For

Here are key behaviours that may indicate separation anxiety (and how they might appear in your setting):

• Excessive distress when a caregiver leaves or tries to leave: crying, clinging, tantrums.

• Refusal or strong resistance to participate in the class, group activities, or being with unfamiliar adults. 

• Frequent complaints of physical symptoms (stomach ache, headache) at drop-off or when separation is expected. 

• Withdrawal from peers or adults, reluctance to explore the environment without the familiar caregiver present.

• Persistent worry about the caregiver: for example, “Mommy won’t come back,” or “Dad will be hurt.” This may point toward a more serious anxiety. 

What Is Normal vs. When to Be Concerned

Normal separation anxiety

• Happens when a young child is separated from a primary caregiver, especially for the first time.

• The child becomes upset but gradually calms down when engaged in activities or given reassurance.

• The anxiety lessens over time as the child becomes more accustomed to the setting and routine.

When to be more concerned

• The distress is so severe that the child cannot engage in #classroom routines or is unable to separate at all.

• The anxiety persists weeks or months without improvement.

• The child avoids most new situations because of fear of separation.

• The fear is general (not only at drop-off) and includes unrealistic worries/harm about their caretaker or self. 

Strategies for Child Care Providers

Here are practical ways you can support children experiencing separation anxiety in your care setting:

Build Familiarity and Predictability

• Greet each child and caregiver by name each morning, reinforcing a warm and welcoming start.

• Use a consistent daily routine: arrival, snack, #play, rest, pick-up. Predictability gives children a sense of #safety.

• Let children bring a comfort object (if your policy allows) — a small familiar item from #home can ease the transition. 

• Show them their schedule with pictures or simple #language: “After you hang your coat, we play blocks, then snack, then Mommy picks you up.”

Create a Short, Positive Goodbye Ritual

• Develop a simple, repeatable goodbye: a special hug, phrase, or wave. This gives the child control and a consistent experience. 

• Encourage #parents to keep goodbyes brief; lingering or sneaking away often worsens anxiety. 

• Prompt the parent to say something like: “I’ll be back after playtime; I love you,” and then leave while you engage the child quickly with an activity.

Support Transitions with Reassurance

• Acknowledge the child’s feelings: “I see you’re feeling sad that Mommy is leaving. It’s okay to feel that way.”

• Offer comfort and then redirect: “You have your favorite blocks here. Let’s build a tall tower!”

• Provide “warm-up” time for children new to the setting: perhaps a #parent-stays for part of the morning until the child feels comfortable.

• Pair child with a “buddy” or favorite #teacher especially at first so they feel anchored in your environment.

Collaborate With Families

• Communicate with parents about how drop-off is going and what routines work at home.

• Share tips for home practice: short separations with trusted caregivers, talking about the upcoming day, using visual routines. 

• Encourage consistency between home and your care setting: similar language around goodbye, pick-up, etc.

• If anxiety seems severe or persistent, suggest the parent consult pediatric or mental- #health support, and offer to work together on a plan.

Track Progress and Adapt

• Observe how the child acts during drop-off, transitions, play time, and pick-up.

• Document patterns: Does one teacher help more? Does the child calm only after parent return? This helps you and families identify whether extra support is needed.

• Adjust your approach: maybe provide extra transition time, assign a consistent adult, or modify the environment to be more inviting.

• Celebrate small successes: “Great job staying for snack today!” Positive reinforcement builds confidence.

Tips for Specific Situations

• During the first week: Ask parents to drop off and leave quickly, engage the child in a familiar toy or teacher, then give parent a quick check-in after a bit.

• When a new class or #teacher-starts: Introduce the child ahead of time, visit the room with a parent, talk about what will happen.

• At pick-up time: Greet the child warmly, acknowledge the day’s successes, and share one positive detail with the parent. This reassures the child and strengthens the caregiver–family partnership.

• If a child suddenly shows increased anxiety: Consider whether there has been a change (illness, new sibling, start of a sibling’s school, change of rooms) and be extra gentle during that adjustment.

Why Your Role Is Critical

When children feel emotionally secure in the care setting—knowing you will be there, you understand them, and their caregiver will return—they are more likely to:

• Explore the environment, engage in play, and learn with friends and adults.

• Develop trust in adults beyond their family.

• Experience smoother transitions and fewer behaviour disruptions.
  Young children rely on trusted adults to interpret the environment; your calm presence and consistent routines send the message: “You are safe here, and I’m here with you.”

Professional Development & Useful Links

• Training: Anxiety: Signs & Strategies offered by ChildCareEd. 

• Resource ( #free download): Developmental Milestones Checklist for 2-Year-Olds

• Article: How to Handle Separation Anxiety in New Preschoolers: A Teacher’s Guide

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