Teaching kids to solve problems with words - post

Why is “using words” so hard for young children?

Young children often know what they feel, but they may not know how to say it. In a tough moment, their bodies can react faster than their brains. That’s why you may see:

• grabbing toys
• yelling “No!” 
• pushing, hitting, or biting
• crying and running away 

Using words is a skill—and skills take practice. Courses like “You’re Not My Friend Anymore: Learning Conflict Resolution” are designed to help #educators teach these strategies in real #classrooms. 

What does “problem solving with words” look like? 

When children are #learning this skill, you might hear them say simple phrases like:

• “Stop.”
• “I don’t like that.”
• “Can I have a turn?”
• “Let’s trade.”
• “Help, please.”

That’s a big win! It means the child is choosing communication instead of actions. 

What should you do first when kids are upset?

Before children can talk it out, they need to feel calm and #safe.

Use this quick 3-step #plan:

• Connect: “I’m here.”
• Calm: help the child breathe, sit, or move to a quieter spot
• Coach: then help them use words and find a solution

If you try to “teach the words” when a child is very upset, it usually won’t work. Calm first, talk second.

What simple “word scripts” can you teach kids to use?

Many children do better when they have short phrases they can copy.

Try teaching these “power phrases” during calm times:

• To set a boundary: “Stop.” / “No, thank you.”
• To say how they feel: “I’m mad.” / “That hurt.”
• To ask for a turn: “Can I have a turn when you’re done?”
• To join #play: “Can I play with you?”
• To fix a mistake: “I’m sorry.” / “Are you okay?”
• To get an adult: “Help, please.”

Tip for non-native English speakers: Use the same phrases every day. Keep them short and repeat them often.

How do you teach kids a problem-solving routine they can remember?

A routine gives children a “map” to follow when they feel stuck.

Here is an easy routine you can post on the wall (with pictures, if possible):

1) What is the problem?

Examples:

• “You both want the truck.”
• “Your body wants space.”

2) What can you say?

Give choices:

• “Say: ‘Can I have a turn?’”
• “Say: ‘Please stop.’”

3) What are two solutions?

Keep it simple:

• take turns with a timer
• trade
• choose a different toy
• play together
• ask a #teacher for help

4) What will you try first?

Help them pick one plan: “Let’s try taking turns.”

5) Check back

After a minute: “Did that work? Do we need a new plan?”

This kind of guidance connects well with positive behavior courses like “Staying Positive: Guidance for Preschoolers.” 

How can you teach problem-solving with words (age-by-age)?

Children’s #language grows over time, so your support should match their age.

What works best for #toddlers (1–2 years)? 

Toddlers need very short words and adult help. They usually cannot solve problems alone yet.

Try:

• Speak for the child: “Say ‘turn.’”
• Offer two choices: “Wait or trade?”
• Use body-safe limits: “I won’t let you hit.”
• Repeat the same phrase every time: “Hands are for helping.”

Helpful #toddler-scripts:

• “My turn.”
• “No.”
• “Help.”

What works best for #preschoolers (3–5 years)?

Preschoolers can learn full “friendship sentences,” especially with practice.

Try:

• Role-play during circle time (2 minutes is enough)
• Use puppets to show a small conflict
• Teach “I feel” sentences

Preschool scripts:

• “I don’t like that.”
• “I feel ___ when you ___.”
• “Can we make a plan?”

What works best for school-age children (5–8 years)?

School-age children can do more independent problem solving, but they still need coaching.

Try:

• Teach them to listen and repeat: “So you want…”
• Help them brainstorm three solutions
• Encourage #respectful compromise

School-age scripts:

• “I hear you. I want __.”
• “Let’s find a fair way.”
• “Next time, we can…”

What should you say when kids are fighting over a toy?

Here’s a quick #teacher-script you can use:

1. Name the problem: “You both want the same toy.”
2. Set the limit: “I won’t let you grab.”
3. Give the words: “Tell him: ‘Can I have a turn?’”
4. Offer solutions:
• “You can take turns with a timer.”
• “You can trade.”
• “You can find another toy while you wait.”
5. Praise the effort: “You used words. That was helpful.”

If challenging behavior happens a lot, learning to look for patterns and teach replacement skills is key. A helpful training is “The ABCs of Behavior: Turning Challenges into Learning Opportunities.” 

How can you support children who are learning English?

Children can still solve problems with words even if they are learning English.

Try:

• Use pictures for “Stop,” “Help,” “My turn,” “Wait”
• Teach one phrase at a time (repeat for a full week)
• Pair words with gestures (hand up for “stop,” pointing to self for “my”)
• Accept short answers (one word is still communication!)

A helpful ChildCareEd #free resource that connects to language #growth-and communication is:
The Gift of Language

How do you build a classroom where kids use words more often?

Children use words more when the environment supports it.

Classroom ideas:

• Make a “peace spot” with two chairs and a feelings chart
• Post 4–6 simple “friendship phrases” at child height
• Practice daily during calm times (not only during conflict)
• Model respectful talk with adults, too (“I need a moment, please.”)

For a related ChildCareEd article with more cooperative and community-building ideas, read:
Building Cooperative & Problem Solving Skills

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For more quick behavior tips, classroom ideas, and training updates, follow ChildCareEd on your favorite platform here: https://linktr.ee/childcareed
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