How to set clear rules without yelling - post

Why do clear rules matter (and why does yelling not work)?

Clear rules are like a map. They tell children what to do next. Yelling can feel scary, confusing, or embarrassing. When children feel scared, their brains focus on “protect me,” not “learn the rule.”

Clear rules help because they:

• Build #safety and trust
• Make routines smoother (less arguing)
• Teach self-control over time
• Support children who are learning English

What do “clear rules” look like in a child care classroom?

Clear rules are:

• Short (1–7 words)
• Positive (tell what TO do) 
• Easy to practice
• The same for everyone

Try to keep 3–5 main rules for the whole room. Examples:

• “Use walking feet.”
• “Hands are for helping.”
• “Use kind words.”
• “Stay with the group.”
• “Take care of toys.”

Tip: Put rules where children can see them, with simple pictures.

How can you teach rules so children remember them?

Kids do not learn rules just by hearing them once. They learn by practice.

Use this simple plan:

• Say it: “Our rule is walking feet.”
• Show it: Model walking and not running.
• Try it: Let children practice.
• Praise it: “You used walking feet. Thank you!”

You can also practice rules during play:

• Act out “kind words” with puppets
• Play “freeze and breathe” during circle time
• Do a quick “walking feet” parade to music

This is part of #PositiveGuidance—teaching skills before problems happen.

What can you say instead of yelling when a rule is broken?

When you feel upset, it helps to have “go-to” phrases ready. Keep your words short. Use a calm, steady voice. (A whisper can even bring the noise down!)

Here are helpful phrases you can use right away:

• “I can’t let you hit. Hands are for helping.”
• “Stop. Safe body.”
• “It’s time to listen. Eyes on me.”
• “Show me walking feet.”
• “You look upset. I’m here to help.”

Try the 3-step calm script:

1. Name the rule: “Toys stay on the table.”
2. Say what to do: “Put the blocks on the table.”
3. Give the next step: “Then you may keep building.”

If a child keeps testing the rule, use the “broken record” method:

• Repeat the same calm sentence.
• Do not add long speeches.
• Follow through every time.

How do you set rules without yelling during busy transitions?

Transitions (clean-up, lining up, going outside) are when yelling happens most often—because it gets loud and rushed.

Make transitions easier with:

• One clear signal: a bell, clapping pattern, or a raised hand
• Simple jobs: “You pick up #books. You pick up blocks.”
• Countdowns: “5…4…3…2…1…freeze.”
• First–then words: “First clean up, then #playground.” 

You can even teach a “quiet power” routine:

• Teacher raises hand 
• Children raise hand and stop talking
• Teacher says, “Thank you for your quiet voice.”

This supports #CalmClassroom routines that reduce #stress for everyone.

What if a child argues, refuses, or says “No”?

A calm boundary is stronger than a loud one.

Try these choices (both choices must be okay with you):

• “You may put your shoes on now, or in one minute.”
• “Do you want to hold my hand, or hold the rope?”
• “You can sit on the carpet or on the chair.”

If the child still refuses, stay calm and follow through:

• “I see you’re not ready. I will help your body stay safe.”
• “We can try again when you’re ready.”

Keep your face soft, your words firm, and your body close enough to guide #safely.

How do you follow through without being harsh?

Rules only work when they are followed by a clear action. The action should be safe and fair—not a punishment that feels mean.

Good follow-through examples:

• If a child throws toys: remove the toy for now and offer a safer choice.
• If a child runs inside: move the child back and practice “walking feet” together.
• If a child hurts a friend: help the child check on the friend, then practice gentle touch.

When children are calm later, do a quick “repair” talk:

• “What happened?”
• “How did it feel?”
• “What can we do next time?”

This is how children learn, step by step. 

How can your #classroom-setup help you avoid yelling?

Many “behavior problems” are really “environment problems.” If kids are bored, crowded, or waiting too long, rules get harder to follow.

A few quick fixes:

• Keep favorite materials in enough quantity (less fighting)
• Create clear spaces (blocks here, books there)
• Post a simple visual schedule
• Plan short, active movement breaks

For deeper ideas on routines and expectations, try the ChildCareEd course “Classroom Management is Collaboration!” 

What if the same child breaks the rules again and again?

Some children need extra support, not bigger consequences.

Start by asking: 

• When does the behavior happen most?
• What happens right before it?
• What does the child get or avoid?

It can help to use a simple one-page plan. ChildCareEd’s free “Mini Behavior Support Plan” can guide your team to respond the same way each time

You can also build your skills with these ChildCareEd courses:

• “Viewing Guidance in a Positive Light” 
• “Mysteries of Challenging Behavior Solved” 

What are a few “ready tomorrow” tools for setting rules calmly?

Try these tomorrow (pick just one or two):

• Write 3–5 rules on a poster with pictures
• Practice one rule with a quick role-play
• Use a hand signal to get attention
• Use “first–then” #language during transitions
• Choose one calm sentence and repeat it every time

If you want more classroom #management ideas, read this ChildCareEd article: Classroom-tested strategies to help #preschool #teachers manage their classrooms

And for ongoing tips and encouragement, follow ChildCareEd on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/childcareed/ (linktr.ee)