How can we support children with big feelings in child care? - post

Children in child care often have big, strong feelings. This short guide helps you, a child care provider or director, support them. It uses easy steps, lists you can copy, and links to helpful resources. Read the quick "why it matters" notes first, then use the four-question sections below.

Why it matters

1) Children who learn to name and calm their feelings can join group activities, make friends, and learn more. See simple classroom ideas at ChildCareEd: How can we help children recognize and express their feelings?.

2) Small, steady teaching helps. Practice tools when children are calm so they remember them when upset. For lesson ideas, try Big Feelings, Little Hands from ChildCareEd.

What are "big feelings," and how do they show up in my classroom?

1. Big feelings are strong emotions like anger, fear, sadness, or big excitement. They can look like crying, hitting, freezing, or running away.

2. Look for these signs:

1. 😟 Fast breathing, tight hands, or red face.
2. 😢 Crying that won’t stop or a child who shuts down.
3. 😡 Hitting, throwing toys, or yelling.

3. Why the signs matter: when you spot a sign early you can help the child calm before the problem grows. For more on reading emotions and teaching feeling words, see CSEFEL: Enhancing Emotional Vocabulary and the ChildCareEd post Big feelings: Teaching Kids to Manage Difficult Emotions.

4. Quick tip: name the feeling in 3 words or fewer. Example: “You look mad.” Naming helps children learn words and feel understood. This helps your #children calm faster and ask for help.

What can I do right now when a child has a big emotion?

Use a simple 3-step plan every time. Keep words short and your voice calm.

1. 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Connect: Get down to eye level and say, “I’m here.”
2. 😮‍💨 Calm: Offer 1 small calm choice (deep breath, squeeze a ball, or a short walk). Do the calm step with them.
3. 💬 Coach: When they are quieter, say one thing: name the feeling and offer the next step (ask for help, use words, use the calm corner).

Examples of scripts you can copy:

1. "You look upset. Breathe with me: in 1-2-3, out 1-2-3."
2. "Hands stay safe. Do you want to hold this pillow or sit here?"

Use a calm-down area with a feelings chart and a few items. ChildCareEd has set up ideas in Creating a Peaceful Retreat: The Power of a Calming Corner. Keep visits short (2–5 minutes) unless more time is needed.

How do I teach children skills so that big feelings happen less often?

Teach a small set of tools and practice them every day. Pick 2–3 tools for your room and use them in games and routines.

1. 🌬 Breathing games (balloon breath, 5-finger breathing).
2. 🐢 Turtle technique (stop, tuck, breathe, use words).
3. 💪 Heavy work breaks (push a cart, carry books) to help bodies settle.

Make short practice part of the day:

1. 1) Circle time: 1 minute of breathing practice.
2. 2) Transition: use a 2-minute countdown to reduce surprises.
3. 3) Play: try emotion sorting games after a read-aloud. See Big Feelings, Little Hands.

Use books and stories to build feeling words. Scholastic lists low-cost feeling books you can use for lessons (books about feelings).

Practice short problem-solving after calm: 1) What happened? 2) What did you feel? 3) What can we try next time? Keep it simple for #preschoolers and praise trying, not just success.

When should I ask for extra help and how do I avoid common mistakes?

Ask for help when patterns continue despite good teaching. Steps to follow:

1. 🛑 Look for these red flags:
   1. Frequent hurting of self or others.
   2. Meltdowns many times a day that last a long time.
   3. No response to calm tools for several weeks.
2. 👥 Team steps:
   1. Share notes with families and ask how the child is at home.
   2. Talk with your director, mental health consultant, or early intervention. See ChildCareEd’s guidance on trauma-informed care: How can early childhood classrooms use trauma-informed care.
3. 📋 Keep a simple log of triggers, time of day, and what helps. Data guides next steps.

Common mistakes and how to avoid them:

1. ❌ Mistake: Teach tools only during meltdowns. ✅ Fix: Practice tools every day when children are calm.
2. ❌ Mistake: Use the calm corner as punishment. ✅ Fix: Teach it as a safe choice and model how to use it.
3. ❌ Mistake: Long lectures when a child is upset. ✅ Fix: Use one short sentence and one choice.

Remember: state requirements vary - check your state licensing agency. If trauma is involved, use trauma-informed supports and partner with families and specialists like those at the National Technical Assistance Center for Children's Mental Health.

Conclusion

1) Start small: pick 2 tools, one calm space, and one routine to practice. 2) Use the short Connect → Calm → Coach plan in the moment. 3) Track patterns and ask for help when needed. Helpful starting pages include ChildCareEd’s articles on feelings, calming corners, and trauma-informed care listed above.

FAQ (quick):

1. Q: How long should calm corner time be? A: 2–5 minutes for a reset; staff stays nearby for safety.
2. Q: What if a child won’t take help? A: Stay near, offer one calm choice, and try again later. Practice tools during calm times.
3. Q: Where to find lesson plans? A: See ChildCareEd courses like Self-Regulation & Change and free articles on the site.

You are already doing important work. Small, steady steps help children learn to name feelings, calm their bodies, and ask for help. Use the links above for quick handouts, games, and training to share with your team.

#children #feelings #calm #preschoolers #emotion