How can we help children manage big emotions? - post

Introduction

As a #childcare provider you see big feelings every day. This guide gives simple steps and tools to help children notice feelings, calm down, and learn new skills. It uses short lists and clear steps so staff and directors can use ideas right away. You will find links to helpful ChildCareEd articles and other resources throughout.

Why it matters: When children learn to name and manage their #emotions they behave better, learn more, and feel safer in your #classroom. Teaching these skills is part of good care and helps keep your program calm and predictable.

1) Why do big emotions happen and what should I notice?

1. Big feelings happen for many reasons. Common causes include:

1. 😟 Being tired, hungry, or overstimulated.
2. 😲 Feeling frustrated because the child can’t do something yet.
3. 😢 Worry from changes like a new classroom, move, or family stress.

2. Watch for these signs: fast breathing, clenched fists, crying, hitting, or withdrawing. These clues tell you the child needs support right away.
3. Use simple words to label feelings. For example, say: “You look angry” or “You seem sad.” Naming feelings helps children learn a feeling vocabulary. See ChildCareEd's tips about teaching emotional vocabulary as part of Emotions in Motion: Teaching SEL & Emotional Regulation to Preschoolers.
4. Keep short routines and visual schedules to lower stress and help children know what comes next. For ideas on routines and self-regulation see How to Promote Self-Regulation Skills in Young Children.
5. Remember: co-regulation works. Stay calm and the child can borrow your calm. Use the simple order: Connect → Calm → Coach. For age-by-age steps, refer to Big feelings: helping kids calm down (age-by-age). #SEL #calm

2) What quick steps can I use in the moment to help a child calm down?

1. Use this three-step plan every time:

1. 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Connect: Get to the child’s level and say, “I’m here. You’re safe.”
2. 😮‍💨 Calm: Lower your voice, offer one simple choice, and breathe together.
3. 💬 Coach: When they are calmer, name the feeling and offer a next step.

2. Use short scripts. Examples that work: “I’m here. Breathe with me—1, 2, 3.” Or “You seem mad. Do you want a hug or space?” Keep words short and clear.
3. Offer safe replacements for unsafe actions. For hitting or throwing, say: “Hitting hurts. You can stomp, squeeze a pillow, or use this stress ball.” ChildCareEd explains replacing behavior and safety limits in How To Manage Temper Tantrums.
4. Use a calm-down area with a few simple tools: soft toy, sensory bottle, breathing picture, and a small rug. See ideas in Creating a Peaceful Retreat: The Power of a Calming Corner and a list of calm-down items from a helpful blog: 32 Things To Put In A Calm-Down Box for Kids.
5. Practice calming skills when kids are calm (circle time, transitions). Short daily practice makes big change. For activities to build skills through play, check Social Skills Lesson Plan for Preschoolers. #children #classroom

3) How do I teach emotional skills every day so children get better?

 Teach 1–2 simple tools and practice often. Examples:

1. 🌬 Balloon breathing (slow inhale, long exhale).
2. 🐢 Turtle technique (stop, tuck, breathe, use words).
3. ✋ Five-finger breathing (trace fingers while breathing).

3. Add short games that teach control: Red Light/Green Light, Freeze Dance, Simon Says. Praise effort: “You waited — great job!” Small wins build self-regulation over time. For a full training that supports these ideas, see ChildCareEd's course Self-Regulation & Change: Helping Children Cope.
4. Use a consistent routine and visual schedule so students know what to expect. Predictability reduces anxiety and improves behavior.
5. Teach problem solving after calm: 1) What happened? 2) What did you feel? 3) What can we do next time? Use simple language and small steps. 

4) When should I get extra help and how do I avoid common mistakes? Ask for extra support when these persist:

1. 🛑 The child hurts self or others often.
2. 🕒 Meltdowns last a long time and happen many times each day.
3. 🔁 The child can’t calm with usual tools over many weeks.

2. Work with families and specialists. Share observations and ideas with parents. Use your program director, a mental health consultant, or early intervention team. ChildCareEd covers trauma-informed care and when to seek help in Implementing Trauma-Informed Care.
3. Common mistakes and how to avoid them:

1. ❌ Mistake: Teaching tools only during meltdowns. ✅ Fix: Practice when kids are calm.
2. ❌ Mistake: Using long lectures in the moment. ✅ Fix: Use short words and one choice.
3. ❌ Mistake: Using the calming corner as punishment. ✅ Fix: Make it a safe choice and teach how to use it.

4. Keep notes. Track triggers, time of day, and what helps. A simple chart can reveal patterns and next steps.
5. Know your limits: state requirements vary - check your state licensing agency. If behavior may be linked to trauma, refer to mental health supports and use trauma-informed strategies. #calm #children

Conclusion and FAQ

Summary: Helping children manage big emotions takes small, steady steps. Use co-regulation, teach a few calming tools, practice often, and partner with families. Build simple routines and a calm space. Use ChildCareEd resources for training and printable tools linked above.

FAQ (quick):

1. Q: How long should a calm corner visit be? A: Short — 2–5 minutes to reset, longer only if child needs it and staff stays nearby.
2. Q: What if a child refuses help? A: Stay nearby, offer once calmly, and try again later. Keep routines consistent.
3. Q: Where to get lesson plans? A: See ChildCareEd's social skills lesson plan sample: Social Skills Lesson Plan.

You are already doing important work. Small changes—naming feelings, using a calm plan, and daily practice—help children grow strong. For more ideas and courses, visit ChildCareEd and the links above.