How to Promote Self-Regulation Skills in Young Children - post

What is self-regulation in young children? 

Self-regulation is the skill of stopping, thinking, and choosing what to do next.

In real life, it can look like:

• Waiting for a turn (even for 10 seconds)
• Using words like “Help, please” instead of hitting
• Taking deep breaths to calm down
• Following a simple direction after being upset

Young children are still building these skills. They need practice—and they need grown-ups to coach them.

Why do some children struggle with self-regulation?

Many things can make self-regulation harder, especially for #preschoolers:

• Tiredness or hunger 
• Big changes (new #classroom, new #teacher, a move, a new baby at #home)
• Too much noise or chaos
• Hard feelings (fear, worry, frustration)
• Develop #mental #delays or special needs

A child who “acts out” is often showing us: “I need help.” The goal is to teach skills, not punish feelings.

How can adults model self-regulation every day?

Children learn by watching you. When you stay calm, you “lend” your calm brain to the child.

Try these simple habits:

• Name your feeling: “I feel frustrated.”
• Show a coping tool: “I’m going to take 3 slow breaths.”
• Use a calm voice and slow body.
• Fix mistakes: “I spoke too fast. I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”

This is called co-regulation. It is the first step before children can self-regulate on their own.

What classroom routines help children regulate?

Routines reduce #stress because children know what comes next.

Helpful routine tools:

• Visual schedules (pictures of the day)
• Countdowns for transitions (“5 minutes…2 minutes…1 minute”)
• Simple rules with pictures (“Walking feet,” “Gentle hands”)
• Consistent steps for common moments (arrival, clean-up, circle, nap)

Tip: Transitions are a common trigger for meltdowns. Add a short song, a helper job, or a visual timer to make transitions smoother.

How do you teach calming skills that children can really use?

Teach calming skills when children are calm, not only during a meltdown. Practice like you practice ABCs.

Easy calming tools for Pre-K:

• Balloon breathing: “Smell the flower…blow the candle.”
• Turtle technique: Stop → tuck arms like a turtle → breathe → use words.
• 5-finger breathing: Trace fingers and breathe in/out slowly.
• Heavy work ( #safe muscle work): wall push-ups, carrying #books, pushing a cart.
• Calm-down kit: a few safe items like a soft ball, picture cards, a pinwheel.

Keep it simple. Pick 1–2 tools and practice them daily.

How can you respond when a child is dysregulated?

When a child is very upset, they may not be ready to listen or learn. Start with connection.

A helpful 3-step response:

1. Connect: “You’re upset. I’m here.”
2. Name the feeling + limit: “You’re mad. Hitting is not safe.”
3. Teach the next step: “Let’s breathe. Then you can ask for a turn.”

Helpful phrases (simple English):

• “Show me with your words.”
• “Let’s take a break together.”
• “First calm, then talk.”
• “You can be mad. You can’t hurt.”

After the child is calm, do a short “repair” talk:

• What happened?
• What can we do next time?
• What can we do now to make it right?

What activities build self-regulation through #play?

Games are powerful because they teach self-control in a fun way.

Try these quick activities:

• Red Light, Green Light (stop/go control)  
• Freeze Dance (stop body on cue)
• Simon Says (listening and working memory)
• Yoga poses (breathing + body control)
• Turn-taking games with a timer (“Your turn / My turn”)

Keep games short (2–5 minutes) and praise effort:

• “You stopped your feet fast!”
• “You waited. That was hard. You did it!”

How do you set up a calming space in the classroom?

A calming space is not a “time-out corner.” It is a safe place to reset.

A good calming space includes:

• Soft seating or a small rug
• Picture choices: “breathe,” “hug a pillow,” “count,” “read”
• Simple #sensory tools (only safe items)
• A clear rule: “This space helps our bodies calm.”

Children can choose this space, or you can guide them there gently. A well-planned calming corner supports emotional regulation and inclusion. 

When should you get extra support?

Some children need more help, and that is okay.

Consider extra support if a child:

• Hurts themselves or others often
• Has meltdowns that last a long time, many times a day
• Cannot calm even with help over many weeks
• Shows big behavior changes after a scary event

Work with families and, if available, your program’s director, #mental- #health consultant, or #early-intervention team.

Want more tools? ChildCareEd courses and resources

Here are ChildCareEd options that connect directly to building self-regulation skills:

Courses:

• Self-Regulation & Change: Helping Children Cope
• From Tantrums to Triumphs: Equipping Preschoolers with Self-Regulation Skills 
• Solutions NOT Punishments 

Free resource:

• Peace Corner (PDF) 

Related article:

• Creating a Peaceful Retreat: The Power of a Calming Corner (Childcare Ed)

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