Big feelings, small bodies: co-regulation tools for the classroom - post

What is co-regulation, and why does it help with big feelings?

Children have big feelings, but their brains are still growing. That means they often cannot calm down alone yet. Co-regulation is when a calm adult helps a child calm their body and feelings first. Then the child can learn how to do it on their own later.

In a classroom, co-regulation looks like:

• A teacher staying calm (even when a child is not calm)

• A teacher helping the child feel safe

• A teacher using simple words and a steady voice

This is not “being soft.” It is teaching a life skill. It also helps the whole class because one calm adult can bring the energy down for everyone. 

How can you tell when a child needs co-regulation? 

Look for signs that a child is in “big feeling mode.” You may see:

• Crying, yelling, or screaming

• Hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing 

• Running away or hiding

• Refusing to move or talk

• Fast breathing, tight fists, tense body

When you see these signs, start with safety and calm first. Teaching and problem-solving come later.

What can you do in the moment when a child is upset?

Use this simple 3-step plan: Connect → Calm → Coach

1) Connect (help the child feel safe)

• Get close (but give space if the child needs it)

• Get down to the child’s level

• Use a warm, calm voice

• Keep your face soft (not angry)

Try saying:

• “You’re safe. I’m here.”

• “I see you’re really upset.”

• “I will help you.”

2) Calm (help the body slow down)
Pick one quick tool:

• Balloon breaths: “Smell the flower… blow out the candle.”

• Hand on belly: “Feel your belly move in and out.”

• Squeeze and release: “Squeeze your hands tight… now let go.”

• Countdown: “Let’s count down from 5 together.”

Tip: If you talk too much, it can make a child more upset. Use short phrases.

3) Coach (teach the next step)
When the child is calmer, help them name the feeling and choose a better action:

• “You felt mad. Next time you can say, ‘Stop.’”

• “You wanted the toy. Next time we can ask for a turn.”

This is where children slowly learn self-regulation. #SocialEmotionalLearning

What words should teachers use (and avoid) during big feelings?

Helpful words (simple and clear):

• “I won’t let you hurt me.”

• “Hands stay safe.”

• “I can help.”

• “Let’s breathe together.”

• “We can fix this.”

Words to avoid (they often make it worse):

• “Stop crying.”

• “You’re fine.”

• “If you don’t calm down, you’ll lose ___.”

• “What is wrong with you?”

Even if you feel stressed, your calm voice is a tool. Children “borrow” your calm until they can build their own.

How can you set up the classroom to make co-regulation easier?

Co-regulation works best when the room helps children stay steady. A calm, predictable classroom can lower meltdowns. 

Try these simple supports:

• Visual schedule with pictures (what happens next)

• Clear rules (short and positive): “Walking feet,” “Gentle hands”

• Transition warnings: “Two more minutes, then clean up”

• Small-group times when possible

• Quiet + loud areas (don’t put blocks next to the book corner)

A child who feels confused or rushed will struggle more. A child who feels safe and prepared will do better.

What is a “peace corner,” and how do you use it the right way?

A peace corner (also called a calm corner) is a small place a child can go to calm down. It is not a punishment spot.

A good peace corner includes:

• A soft seat or pillow

• A simple feelings chart (faces are great for non-readers)

• A few calm tools (not too many)

Calm tools can be:

• A soft stuffed animal

• A sensory bottle

• A safe fidget

• A short picture book about feelings

ChildCareEd has a free Peace Corner resource you can use to set one up: Peace Corner 

How to teach it (important!)

• Teach it when children are calm (like a morning meeting)

• Model it: “I feel frustrated. I can take 3 breaths.”

• Keep it short at first (2–5 minutes)

• A teacher still supervises and supports

How do you co-regulate when you have a whole class to manage?

This is real life—sometimes you cannot sit with one child for long. Try “short co-regulation” tools that take 10–30 seconds:

• Name it fast: “You’re mad.”

• Safety line: “I won’t let you hit.”

• One calm tool: “Breathe with me—one time.”

• Simple choice: “Do you want a hug or space?” (If hugs are allowed.)

• Return plan: “When your body is calm, you can rejoin.”

Also, plan for teamwork:

• Agree as a staff on 1–2 calming steps everyone uses

• Use the same words across rooms (children feel safer with consistency)

How can you help children build self-regulation over time?

Co-regulation is the “now” support. Self-regulation is the “later” skill. Build it daily with practice:

• Play feeling games (match faces to feelings)

• Read books about emotions

• Practice calming tools when calm (not only during meltdowns)

• Praise effort: “You took a breath. That helped your body.”

• Teach simple problem-solving:

• “What happened?”

• “How did you feel?”

• “What can we do next time?”

This is positive guidance in action. #PositiveGuidance

Want more training and ready-to-use strategies?

These ChildCareEd courses connect directly to co-regulation, guidance, and helping children cope:

• The ABCs of Behavior: Turning Challenges into Learning Opportunities 

• Viewing Guidance in a Positive Light 

• Self-Regulation & Change: Helping Children Cope 

And here’s a helpful ChildCareEd read that connects to a calm classroom setup (which supports co-regulation):

• Building a calm classroom: lighting, noise, schedules, and “cozy corners” 

Where can you get more quick tips from ChildCareEd?

For short videos and practical ideas you can use right away, follow ChildCareEd on YouTube!