How Do I Talk to Parents About Behaviors Their Child Learned at Home? 🏡🗣️ - post

Children learn everywhere—at school, in the community, and especially at #home. Families are children’s first #teachers, which means the behaviors children bring into the #classroom often reflect their home environment, routines, expectations, and relationships. While many behaviors learned at home are positive, some may not fit well in a group care setting. When that happens, #educators face a sensitive challenge:

How do you talk to #parents about behaviors their child learned at home without causing conflict, blame, or hurt feelings?

These conversations require #empathy, professionalism, #cultural #awareness, and clear communication. Families may not realize their child is imitating #language, routines, habits, or reactions seen at home. And even if they do, they may feel embarrassed or defensive when the topic is brought up.

This article will help you navigate these delicate conversations with confidence and respect, while maintaining strong partnerships with families and supporting the child’s social-emotional #growth.

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👺Understanding Why Children Bring Home Behaviors Into the Classroom

Before we can communicate with families, it’s important to understand how and why these behaviors show up.

Children may imitate home-learned behaviors because:

• They see them modeled by adults or siblings.
  Children absorb everything—they often copy tone of voice, emotional responses, or phrases they hear at home.

• They feel #safe enough at school to #express themselves.
  A stable #classroom-environment can bring out behaviors children have been holding in.

• They haven’t learned the difference between home and school expectations.
  What is acceptable at home (climbing on furniture, demanding attention, certain words) may not be acceptable in child care.

• They are seeking connection.
  Mimicking behaviors from home may help them feel closer to their family.

Recognizing these reasons helps educators avoid judgment and move toward collaboration rather than blame.

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❤️‍🩹Why This Topic Can Feel Sensitive for Families

Talking about home-learned behaviors can make parents feel:

• Defensive (“Are you saying we taught them this?”)

• Embarrassed (“We’re doing our best, we didn’t realize…”)

• Unsupported (“Are you judging our parenting?”)

• Worried (“Is my child misbehaving more than others?”)

Because of this, your tone, body language, and word choice matter just as much as the message itself.
Approach each conversation with empathy and curiosity rather than criticism.

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🗨️Preparing for the Conversation

Before approaching parents, take time to prepare thoughtfully.

📝1. Observe the Behavior Over Time

Document:

• When it happens

• How often it occurs

• Possible triggers

• How the child responds when redirected

• How peers are affected

Avoid drawing conclusions until you have a clear pattern.

📝2. Keep Personal Judgment Out of Your Notes

Stick to observable facts:

• “Child hit another child with an open hand during cleanup.”
  Not: “Child was being aggressive.”

• “Child used a phrase that upset another child.”
  Not: “Child said inappropriate things.”

📝3. Reflect on Cultural and Family Context

Families have different expectations around:

• Language

• Emotional expression

• Discipline

• Social interactions

• Independence

Understanding these differences will help you speak respectfully and avoid assumptions.

✅4. Be Ready With Solutions, Not Just Concerns

Parents will feel more supported when you offer:

• Strategies you're using

• Alternative behaviors you’re teaching

• Ways families can reinforce skills at home

Your goal is collaboration, not correction.

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🌷֒How to Start the Conversation With Respect and Care

Finding the right opening line can make or break the conversation.

Gentle, non-blaming conversation starters:

• “I’d love to talk with you about something I’m noticing so we can support [child’s name] together.”

• “I wanted to check in with you to understand if you’re seeing this behavior at home too.”

• “I’ve observed something new in the classroom, and I’d love your insight.”

• “Can we chat about how we can work together to help [child] with some new social skills?”

These openers show families you value their partnership.

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🗣️ How to Describe the Behavior Without Blame

Your wording should focus on the child—not the home environment.

Use neutral, objective descriptions:

• “[Child] has been using some strong words with peers when frustrated.”

• “I’ve noticed [child] becomes upset quickly when they don’t get what they want.”

• “[Child] often repeats certain phrases when interacting with classmates.”

• “Sometimes [child] uses physical reactions when communicating their needs.”

Avoid phrases that imply blame:

• “I think they learned this at home.”

• “This behavior is coming from how things are done at home.”

• “You should stop doing this at home.”

Instead, focus on problem-solving and support.

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👂 Listen to Parents' Perspective

Families often provide important insights:

• “Yes, they do that at home too.”

• “We didn’t realize they were saying that at school.”

• “We’re also trying to work on that behavior.”

• “That behavior comes from their older sibling.”

You may uncover explanations like:

• recent stress

• changes in routines

• emotional needs

• new people in the home

• exposure to media or language

Listening builds trust and respect.

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✍️ Work Together to Create a Unified Plan

The most effective behavior supporting happens when school and home work as a team.

Your plan may include:

• Shared behavior expectations

• Common language and phrases

• Replacement skills (“Instead of hitting, you can say ‘Please stop’”)

• Visual supports

• Positive reinforcement strategies

• Regular check-ins with parents

When children hear the same message from both environments, their behavior improves faster.

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🌱 Provide Families With Tools and Encouragement

Parents may feel discouraged—or even guilty—after hearing about a behavior. Be sure to end with reassurance.

Supportive closing messages:

• “You’re doing a great job, and we’re here to support you.”

• “All children pick up behaviors from different places. What matters is how we work together now.”

• “We believe [child] can learn these skills with consistency from both sides.”

Families will appreciate your respect and encouragement.

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📘 Helpful Resources for Educators and Families

👉 Training: Going Head to Head with Challenging Behavior

Learn practical strategies for understanding and responding to children’s behaviors in positive, effective ways.
Link: https://www.childcareed.com/courses-going-head-to-head-with-challenging-behavior.html

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👉 Resource: Engaging with Families About Sensitive Topics (Mixed Ages)

A valuable resource to help educators approach difficult conversations with empathy and confidence.
Link: https://childcareed.com/r-00162-engaging-with-families-about-sensitive-topics-mixed-ages.html

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👉 Related Article: What If Every Challenging Behavior Was Actually a Learning Opportunity?

Discover how reframing behaviors can change your entire approach to guidance.
Link: https://www.childcareed.com/a/what-if-every-challenging-behavior-was-actually-a-learning-opportunity.html

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💬 Stay Connected with ChildCareEd

Follow ChildCareEd for more professional #development tips, #early-childhood resources, and behavior guidance strategies:
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