What Should Children Do When Someone Is Bullying Them? - post

When a child is hurt or repeatedly excluded by peers, a simple plan can help them feel safer without asking them to solve the problem alone. Child care providers can teach STOP, WALK, TALK as a flexible set of choices, while making clear that adults are responsible for intervening and following up. Reinforce these safety skills with Talking About Bullying and Trusted Adults: STOP, WALK, TALK Buy Now $1.50, a practical printable resource that helps children recognize bullying, practice safe responses, identify trusted adults, and understand that bullying is never their fault. For deeper guidance on recognizing and responding to bullying among school-age children, explore ChildCareEd’s Addressing Bullying Among School Age Children Buy Now $35.00. To strengthen children's problem-solving skills and peer relationships, consider You’re Not My Friend Anymore: Learning Conflict Resolution Buy Now $16.00 as a relevant next step.

Why should educators teach a response plan before a problem occurs?

A child who is being targeted may feel embarrassed, frightened, or uncertain about whether an adult will help. Teaching a few words and actions during calm moments makes it easier to ask for support when emotions are high. The goal is not to make children responsible for stopping bullying. The goal is to give them understandable options and ensure they know adults will take concerns seriously.

Bullying is generally understood as unwanted aggressive behavior involving a power imbalance and repetition, or a strong likelihood of repetition. It may be physical, verbal, social, or involve property. A single disagreement or hurtful choice may still need an immediate, caring response, but it does not automatically establish a bullying pattern. As NAEYC notes in its discussion of bullying prevention in early childhood, distinguishing developmental conflict from bullying can be especially complex with younger children. Educators should describe observable behavior rather than assign children fixed identities.

A consistent plan can give children a sense of agency while reinforcing adult responsibility. Whether the issue occurs during recess, center time, transitions, or an after-school activity, children need to know who is available and what will happen when they ask for help. The foundation is #safety, connection, and follow-through—not a script children must use perfectly.

What do STOP, WALK, and TALK mean in practice?

Teach the steps as choices children can use when safe, not as a required sequence. A child may speak up, move away, and tell an adult—or go directly to an adult. If there is physical aggression, a threat, or a child feels unsafe, skip the verbal step and seek adult assistance immediately.

• STOP: If it feels safe, use a brief, clear phrase: “Stop. I don’t like that,” or “Please leave my things alone.” A gesture, picture card, or communication device can help children who need another way to express a boundary.
• WALK: Move toward a supervised area, a trusted adult, or a supportive peer. Walking away is a protective choice, not weakness. Children should not be expected to stay in an unsafe situation to demonstrate confidence.
• TALK: Tell a trusted adult what happened, where it happened, and whether it has happened before. A child might say, “I need help. They keep leaving me out,” or “Someone pushed me, and I feel unsafe.”

Explain that telling an adult is help-seeking, not “tattling.” StopBullying.gov’s guidance for children recommends walking away and finding an adult when speaking up does not feel safe, and not fighting back. For kindergarten children, keep the language concrete and repeatable; older children can add details about patterns, group behavior, and safe ways to support a peer. Accessible #communication may include home-language phrases, visuals, or practiced gestures.

How can providers teach these strategies in age-appropriate ways?

Children are more likely to remember a skill they have practiced in a supportive, low-pressure setting. Introduce STOP, WALK, TALK through a short story, puppets, drawings, or role-play. Choose familiar, manageable situations—for example, someone repeatedly grabs a marker or tells a classmate they cannot join a game. Ask, “What could the character do to stay safe?” Accept more than one appropriate response, including getting adult help first.

• Model a calm, firm voice: “Stop. I need space.” Avoid teaching children to shout insults or threaten retaliation.
• Practice walking to a designated, visible adult or supervised place.
• Help each child identify more than one trusted adult, including adults present during outdoor play, transitions, and pickup.
• Use pictures, home-language words, gestures, and communication supports so every child can participate.
• Revisit the skill briefly throughout the year, rather than waiting for a child to report a concern.

Kindergarteners benefit from short phrases, repetition, and simple examples. School-age children can explore how repetition, social power, exclusion, or group dynamics affect a situation. Never require a child to reenact a distressing experience or play the targeted child unwillingly. Reinforce peer support too: when safe, children can invite someone into an activity, stand nearby, or get an adult. An adult’s role remains central. PACER Center shares ideas for encouraging kindness, acceptance, and inclusion with young children. Consistent #practice should help children feel prepared, not fearful.

How should adults respond when a child tells them?

Respond promptly and calmly. Thank the child for telling you, acknowledge their feelings, and say clearly that you will help: “I’m glad you came to me. You deserve to feel safe.” Listen without blame or demanding a complete account on the spot. Do not promise secrecy; explain in child-friendly terms that you may need to share information with adults who can help keep everyone safe.

If the behavior is occurring now, interrupt it, separate children as needed, and check for injuries or immediate distress. StopBullying.gov’s on-the-spot response guidance recommends intervening, ensuring safety, remaining calm, and speaking with children separately rather than questioning them together in public. Avoid forced apologies or asking children to resolve a potentially unequal situation before understanding what happened.

• Record observable facts: date, time, place, actions or exact words, people present, and the response taken.
• Follow program procedures for informing a director and communicating with families while protecting children’s privacy.
• Check back with the child and monitor the setting where the concern arose to see whether the behavior continues.
• Follow program policy for urgent assistance when there is serious injury, a weapon, a credible threat, sexual abuse, or another immediate danger.

Describe behavior rather than labeling a child. “A group repeatedly blocked one child from joining the game” is more useful than calling someone a bully. Support and accountability can coexist: a child who caused harm may need clear limits and help learning safer ways to manage frustration or enter play. For more on supporting everyone involved, see StopBullying.gov’s guidance on supporting children involved in bullying.

How can classroom routines make help-seeking and peer support safer?

Children are more likely to seek help when adults consistently listen, act, and follow up. Make trusted adults visible through a photo display or simple map, and review it when staffing or routines change. Provide a private, low-pressure way to talk, such as a check-in with a familiar adult. For children who communicate differently, offer visuals, gestures, or another accessible method to share what happened.

Teach peers that supporting someone does not require confronting the person causing harm. A child can get an adult, invite a classmate to join another activity, or stay nearby if that feels safe. Notice and name supportive choices: “You got help when your classmate was upset. That was caring.” Avoid making a child responsible for fixing the situation, avoiding certain places, or becoming friends with someone who hurt them.

• Review supervision during predictable pressure points, including team selection, transitions, crowded play areas, and spaces with limited adult visibility.
• Use shared expectations such as “Hands keep people safe,” “Words show respect,” and “Tell an adult when someone may be hurt.”
• Plan inclusive activities and ways to participate that respect children’s abilities, communication styles, and backgrounds.
• Respond to recurring behavior and adjust adult supervision or routines when observations suggest a pattern.

These routines teach children that asking for help is welcome and that the community values #respect and belonging. Programs should use their written policies and reporting pathways consistently. State requirements vary - check your state licensing agency.

What common mistakes should educators avoid?

Even well-intentioned adults can increase a child’s distress by minimizing an experience, rushing to judgment, or shifting responsibility onto the child. STOP, WALK, TALK is a useful child-facing tool; it does not replace adult intervention, supervision, documentation, or follow-up. Every report deserves a calm response and a thoughtful look at safety and context.

• Do not dismiss a report with “just ignore it” or “work it out yourselves,” particularly when behavior is repeated, frightening, or harmful.
• Do not insist that a child confront someone. Speaking up is optional when safe; moving away and seeking adult help are valid choices.
• Do not encourage fighting back. Retaliation can increase danger and lead to injury.
• Do not force a public apology or joint mediation. First establish safety, understand the situation, and support children separately.
• Do not assume one conversation has resolved the concern. Check whether the behavior stops and whether the child feels supported.
• Do not treat every disagreement as bullying. Consider repetition, power differences, context, and impact while still addressing harmful behavior in the moment.

When concerns persist, coordinate with program leadership, follow written procedures, and communicate with families appropriately. Keep factual records and avoid sharing confidential information about other children. Take time to review the relevant course details and determine whether Be Loud, No Bullying Allowed Buy Now $16.00 or Social Foundations and Responsive Classrooms Buy Now $24.00 fits your professional learning goals. These options address bullying prevention or supportive social-emotional classroom practices, respectively.

Conclusion: What should children remember when someone is unkind?

Children should remember that they have choices and do not have to manage repeated mistreatment alone. If it feels safe, they can say “Stop.” If the behavior continues or feels unsafe, they can walk toward a supervised place or trusted adult. They can always talk to an adult they trust—and they do not have to fight back or prove that an experience is serious before asking for help.

For educators, the essential work is to teach and practice these steps, respond calmly to reports, document patterns, supervise thoughtfully, and follow through. The goal is not simply to give children a script; it is to create a classroom community where children are heard, supported, and protected. When adults act consistently, children can build confidence and help-seeking skills while adults carry the responsibility for addressing harmful behavior.

Five courses for further professional learning:

• Addressing Bullying Among School Age Children Buy Now $35.00
• You’re Not My Friend Anymore: Learning Conflict Resolution Buy Now $16.00
• Be Loud, No Bullying Allowed Buy Now $16.00
• Social Foundations and Responsive Classrooms Buy Now $24.00
• Teach with Respect ONLINE Buy Now $24.00