Teaching children to listen: simple phrases that work - post

Why do young children struggle to listen sometimes?

Listening is a skill, not just a choice. Many children are still #learning how to stop, look, think, and follow directions—especially when they are excited, tired, hungry, or upset.

Children may not listen well when:

• The room is loud or busy
• They don’t understand the words you used
• They are in the middle of play
• They need more time to switch activities
• The direction has too many steps

The goal is not to “control” children. The goal is to teach cooperation with calm, clear words.  

What are the best “listening phrases” that actually work?

The best phrases are short, kind, and specific. They also tell children what to do (not only what to stop doing).

Here are simple phrases you can start using today:

To get attention first (before giving directions):

• “Eyes on me.”
• “Show me listening.”
• “Hands still. Ears ready.”
• “Touch your head if you can hear me.”
• “1…2…3… look at me.”

To give clear directions (one step at a time): 

• “Walk to the carpet.”
• “Put the blocks in the bin.”
• “Feet on the floor.”
• “Use gentle hands.”
• “Use a quiet voice.”

To help children follow through:

• “First __, then __.” (Example: “First clean up, then we read.”)
• “Show me.” (Example: “Show me walking feet.”)
• “Try again.” (Warm tone, not angry)
• “Let’s do it together.”

To praise listening (so it happens more):

• “You listened the first time—thank you.”
• “I see you looking at me. That helps.”
• “Great job following directions.”

These phrases help because they are easy to understand—even for children learning English. 

How can I say it so that children are more likely to listen?

Words #matter, but how you say them #matters too.

Try this simple “CALM” method:

• Come close (be near the child)
• Ask for eyes (get attention first)
• Lower your voice (quiet voices pull children in)
• Make it simple (one step at a time)

Also helpful:

• Say the child’s name first: “Mina… eyes on me.”
• Use a friendly face and steady tone
• Give wait time (3–5 seconds) so the child can process

What should I say during transitions (when listening is hardest)?

Transitions are a common time for “not listening.” Children are switching from something fun to something new, and that can feel hard.

Use phrases that prepare them and keep the routine predictable:

• “In two minutes, we clean up.”
• “One more turn, then clean up.”
• “When the timer beeps, we line up.”
• “First bathroom, then outside.”
• “Show me ready bodies—feet still, hands to self.”

If you want a ready-to-use guide with simple #classroom-strategies (including routines and cooperation tips), this ChildCareEd resource can help: Preschool Classroom Management

What do I say when a child ignores me or says “no”?

When a child ignores a direction, it helps to stay calm and repeat the direction in a simple way—without long lectures.

Try this 3-step approach:

1. Connect (soft, #respectful)

• “I’m right here.”
• “I see you’re busy.”

1. Give the direction again (short)

• “Blocks in the bin.”
• “Walk to the sink.”

1. Offer help or a simple choice

• “Do you want to carry the big blocks or the small blocks?”
• “Do you want to hop or tiptoe to the line?”

Helpful phrases for pushback:

• “You can be mad, and you still need to be #safe.”
• “I will help you do it.”
• “It’s time. First __, then __.”

When you stay calm, children learn that your words are steady and safe.

How do I use “I-messages” to improve listening? 

“I-messages” are short sentences that explain how behavior affects others—without blaming or shaming. They can reduce power struggles and help children understand your limits.

Use this simple pattern:

• “I feel __ when __ because __.”

Examples:

• “I feel worried when you run inside because you could fall.”
• “I feel sad when you shout because it hurts our ears.”

ChildCareEd has a related article you can share with #staff or families: I-Messages and Classroom Management

How can I support children who are learning English (or have #language #delays)?

Some children need extra support to understand directions. That does not mean they are “not listening.” They may need clearer language and more time.

Try these supports:

• Use short sentences and slow speech
• Show a picture or point to what you mean
• Demonstrate the action (“Watch me—walk to the door.”) 
• Repeat key words (“Shoes on. Shoes on.”)
• Praise effort (“You tried! Let’s do it together.”)

Which ChildCareEd courses can help me get better at guiding behavior and building cooperation?

If you want deeper tools for listening, guidance, and communication, these ChildCareEd courses match this topic:

• Open Ears: Listening in Child Care (active listening, communication barriers, clear understanding): 
• Viewing Guidance in a Positive Light (positive guidance strategies and #developmentally-appropriate responses): 
• The ABCs of Behavior: Turning Challenges into Learning Opportunities (understanding why behavior happens and responding with confidence): 

What’s the simplest “listening plan” I can start today?

Start small. Pick 3 phrases and use them consistently for one week.

A simple plan:

• Phrase 1 (attention): “Eyes on me.”
• Phrase 2 (direction): “Walking feet.”
• Phrase 3 (follow-through): “First clean up, then outside.” 

Then add one praise line:

• “You listened the first time—thank you.”

Consistency is what makes phrases “work.”

Where can I find more ChildCareEd tips and follow along?

For quick guidance ideas, classroom reminders, and helpful training updates, follow ChildCareEd here: https://linktr.ee/childcareed (tap your favorite platform, then hit Follow). 

And for one more #free tool that supports behavior understanding (great for planning what to say and do next), explore: The ABC Model for Identify Behavioral Patterns in Young Children

Small, calm phrases—used the same way each day—help children feel safe, understand expectations, and learn how to listen over time.