Positive Discipline: Strategies That Actually Work - post

In the busy, interactive world of child-care, discipline often comes up as a challenge. Rather than relying on punishment alone—or worse, getting caught in power struggles—positive discipline offers a more respectful, effective path. When done well, it helps children develop self-control, social skills, and a sense of belonging. Throughout this article you’ll find helpful strategies, real-life suggestions, and links to further supports (such as training and resources at ChildCareEd).

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What is Positive Discipline?

Positive discipline isn’t simply “being nice” or letting children do whatever they want. It’s a thoughtful approach rooted in mutual respect, clear expectations, and teaching rather than punishing. According to the positive discipline philosophy developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen (based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs), the five core criteria are:

• Be kind and firm at the same time—neither permissive nor punitive.

• Help children feel they belong and are significant.

• Be effective long-term (not just stop the behavior now but teach skills for the future). 

• Teach important social and life skills (problem-solving, cooperation, responsibility).

• Invite children to discover how capable they are and to use their personal power constructively. 

In practice, this means shifting from “Don’t do that or you’ll be punished!” to “Let’s figure out what’s causing this, and how you can make a different choice.” The shift is big—but the outcome can be much stronger: children who feel respected, who understand expectations, and who learn to self-regulate.

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Why It Matters in Child-Care Settings

As a child-care provider, you have daily influence on children’s behavior, emotional well-being, and social skills. Using positive discipline has multiple benefits:

• Stronger relationships: Children respond better when they feel connected and respected rather than controlled.

• Improved self-regulation: When children learn why rules exist and participate in solutions, they are more likely to internalize good behavior.

• Reduced conflict and power struggles: Clear expectations and shared problem-solving lower the “us vs. them” tension.

• Better classroom climate: A respectful, positive environment supports all children’s learning and growth.

• Longer-term life skills: The techniques support cooperation, empathy, and problem-solving—not just behavior control for today.

For example, the article “Mysteries of Challenging Behavior Solved” on ChildCareEd offers concrete examples and helps caregivers conceptualize this shift from punishment to guidance. 

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Key Strategies That Actually Work

Here are practical, research-informed strategies you can begin to apply in your program today:

1. Create a Foundation of Connection

• Greet each child every morning and engage in a brief check-in.

• Spend a few minutes of one-on-one time with children who are acting out—often their behavior is communication of unmet needs.

• Use circle time, group meetings, or similar gatherings to build classroom community and emphasize that everyone matters.

• Recognize strengths and efforts frequently (see Encouragement below).

2. Set Clear, Age-Appropriate Expectations

• Develop 3-5 classroom rules in simple language (e.g., “Use kind words,” “Hands are for helping,” “We listen when others talk”).

• Post the rules visually, review them regularly, and revisit when behavior gets off track.

• Use consistent routines—children thrive when they know what to expect.

• Give children choices when appropriate (e.g., “Would you like to clean up blocks or books first?”). This supports autonomy and cooperation.

3. Encourage Rather Than Just Praise or Punish

• Encouragement differs from generic praise. Instead of “Great job!”, try: “I noticed how you helped your friend with that block tower—thank you for being helpful.”

• Focus on effort, improvement, and process—not just final outcomes.

• Avoid over-reliance on rewards or punitive consequences; they may work short-term but often do not support long-term self-discipline.

4. Use Logical & Natural Consequences (Within a Supportive Framework)

• Consequences should be related, respectful, reasonable, and helpful.

• Example: If a child repeatedly throws toys, a logical consequence might be helping clean up or choosing a calmer activity.

• Natural consequence example (age-appropriate): If a child refuses to wear a coat, they may feel cold outside (and you talk about that reality beforehand).

• Avoid using consequences that are arbitrary or solely punitive—those don’t teach the child how to make different choices.

5. Problem-Solve Together

• When conflict arises (child vs. child, or child vs. adult), gather the parties and ask: What happened? What was your goal? What can we do differently next time?

• Encourage children to generate solutions and to reflect on how to make better choices.

• Use phrases such as: “What might work instead?” or “How can you help fix this?”

• Teaching problem-solving skills helps children take ownership of their behavior and develop lasting self-discipline.

6. Redirect, Not Just React

• When you see behavior heading off track, redirect early: “I see you’re upset—do you want to use the calm-down corner or come build with me for a moment?”

• Use simple, clear language and avoid escalating the scenario with long lectures.

• Model calm behaviour yourself—children pick up on your tone and emotional cues.

7. Reflect & Repair When Things Go Wrong

• When an interaction doesn’t go as planned, acknowledge your part: “I’m sorry I raised my voice. Let’s figure this out together.”

• This models respect, accountability, and helps children feel safe to make mistakes and learn from them.

• Emphasize mistakes as learning opportunities. 

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Implementation Tips for Providers

• Start small: Choose one rule and one strategy this week (e.g., focus on “hands are for helping” and practice a redirection statement).

• Team consistency: Ensure all staff understand and practice positive discipline approaches so children receive consistent messages.

• Reflect regularly: Monthly, review how things are going. What’s working? Where are the challenges? Adapt your approach.

• Communicate with families: Share your philosophy of positive discipline with parents. Offer suggestions for home and ask for their input.

• Professional growth: Consider training that deepens your understanding of positive discipline and classroom guidance. For example, ChildCareEd offers the online course “Solutions NOT Punishments” which focuses on implementing positive discipline rather than punitive strategies. 

• Utilize free resources: ChildCareEd also provides downloadable resources such as the “Guide to Discipline. All Ages.” PDF which covers effective strategies for children of all ages. 

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What to Do When You’re Struggling

Even with the best intentions, discipline issues still arise. Here are tips for when you’re stuck:

• Pause and breathe—take 30 seconds before responding. Modeling calm is powerful.

• Review the procedure: Are rules clear? Are consequences related and reasonable? Are children involved in solutions?

• Observe patterns: Is one child repeatedly challenging? What could be underlying (needing attention, tired, overstimulated)?

• Seek collaboration: Talk with your co-teachers, families, and maybe a specialist. Use problem-solving rather than blame.

• Celebrate successes: Progress may be slow, but any step toward improved behavior is worth acknowledging.

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Final Thoughts

Positive discipline is less about controlling children and more about teaching them. When we shift our mindset from “I must make them behave” to “I help them learn to behave,” everything changes. By using connection, clear expectations, encouragement, logical consequences, and shared problem-solving, you create a classroom culture of respect, learning, and self-regulation.

If you’d like to deepen your practice, consider enrolling in the training mentioned above. And remember that implementing these strategies takes consistency, reflection, and patience.

Stay connected for tips and updates on early childhood practice on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/childcareed/